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Why Feedback Doesn't Matter

Feedback can be a b*tch. 

If it's positive, then the world is great. 

 If it's negative, or "constructive," as many of us like to say, then it can become instantly personal. 

 A lot of things have to be right for feedback to stick and be impactful. 

  1. Trust has to exist. Trust only comes through respect, credibility, integrity, and competency. Not a lot of people in the workplace score high in all of these categories. 
  2. Emotional intelligence has to exist. The ONLY being I know that that is truly in charge of his emotions is Mr. Spock from Star Trek. And he's fictional. The reality is that we are all emotional human beings-some more than others.
  3. The growth mindset has to trump the fixed mindset.  There is a book that is out called Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. It's probably for a good reason. In today's world of exhibiting false confidence and having swag, you eventually begin to believe how legendary you are. This immediately closes down all of the avenues to receiving feedback that could make yourself better.
Even if all of these things existed, the kicker is that more times than not, the person providing feedback to you isn't doing it to make you a better person. He or she is doing it to help you become more like him or her. (See point #3- Ego is the Enemy) 

So before you receive feedback, ask yourself whether the person provided it has earned the right to give it to you. 

If you are giving the feedback, ask yourself if you've earned the right to give feedback and what you are really trying to accomplish. 

It will make for a more valuable conversation. 
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