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Postpartum Depression

Spending over 10 years working in a Big 4 environment and culture had more of an effect on me than I could have ever imagined. In the endless pursuit of chasing the proverbial brass ring, I did whatever it took and did it whenever it needed to be done. Emails were responded to as if I were on instant messenger at any hour of the night. I spent endless hours waiting in airports and dealing with all of the fun that comes with traveling the US commercial airline system. The work is one thing. But the lifestyle becomes second nature. From the outside looking in, people think you are crazy for doing what you do. On the inside, it's perfectly natural. The people you work with become your second family because you all know that this is just the way life is.

Unlike many of my very successful friends that went on to big titles, more responsibilities, and bigger paychecks, I made the decision to do similar work in a local market. That comes with a decrease in pay, no expense account and higher expenses because now I'm home, and an adjustment to civilian life that isn't quite as extreme as a released felon or a discharged solider, but to me, through my narrow lens - it's an adjustment all the same. 

When you go through this type of change, you pretty much run the entire spectrum emotions. Much as Kübler-Ross developed the 5 stages of grief, I've come up with my 3 stages of transition. (It's 3 because all management consultants communicate in bullet points of 3.)

  1. Relief - "Whew!" I no longer have metrics held over my head that I have to exceed in order to prolong my career and pay for my boats, houses, kids, mistress, and wife.
  2. Whuck?! - The combined word of WTF (source: 30 Rock). Is this what life is really like at home? Why isn't everyone responding to my emails in a timely manner? This costs HOW much? Where did all of my friends from my old firm go? I have a supervisor after spending 8 years being mostly autonomous and a leader from where I was?
  3. Resigned Acceptance - Word for word from the Kübler-Ross model.- "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." At the end of the day, I made the decision based on what I thought was important. It was important for me to be at home and spend time watching my son grow up and figure out if my wife liked me or not. For my entire life, I defined success based on how much money I made. But because I'm somewhat of a Buddhist, there was a part of me saying that when I die, what is really going to matter? And the answer to that sucks when you know what the right answer is.
Now I'm on a different train and a different track. More importantly, I have the time to direct it and can still eat and have a place to live in the process.

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